Author: Teje

Teje's favorite movie where: Newman gets spit on - Jurassic Park, Kramer lights himself on fire - Airheads, Elaine plays a princess - A Bug's Life

A Ghost Story (2017)

Currently available to rent or purchase on iTunes, Amazon, and Vudu
Director: David Lowery
Starring: Casey Affleck, Rooney Mara

The Ghost in A Ghost Story (image: A24)At first glance David Lowery’s A Ghost Story seems simple. And it is. It is a classic story we’ve heard many times told in a way we’ve never thought to tell it.  The setting surrounding the film plays as important a role as Affleck or Mara. The movie gives you a haunting feeling by seeing everything a ghost in Affleck’s situation would see and nothing else. From a real time one-on-none pie eating contest starring Rooney Mara, to a Tokyoesque super-city appearing in West Texas, to the westward expansion of the United States in the late 1700’s, A Ghost Story plays with time loops as much as it does the afterlife.

Casey Affleck and Rooney Mara give fantastic performances. Affleck is actually the stand out here, not only is he not acting with dialogue (the movie is practically a silent film) he’s acting without facial expressions (yes, he is in a sheet for 90% of the film, but trust me, it works).

For fan’s of music (scores and soundtracks alike) indie-darling Daniel Hart knocks this one out of the park. It stands out when it needs to and blends in with the horrors of loneliness when appropriate.

It is the most original thing I’ve seen so far this year, and that’s saying something when Get Out and Colossal are in the mix. It is well worth the watch.

Hancock: The Hero You Don’t Deserve, or Need, or Care About

In case this wasn’t already known, I watch a lot of movies. Like, too many. I get tired or lazy and I sit down and put one on, or start watching one that just started. Today it was Hancock. A film, that when explained to someone who likes superhero movies, sounds amazing. A superman-like superhero is a drunk jerk who’s depressed and, while doing the right thing (most of the time), he destroys buildings and property without thinking twice. I’m in.

Quick “in defense of” moment here…I’ve seen Hancock before and was well aware it was bad when I started watching it this afternoon. I just wanted that to be clear and again demonstrate how much I watch movies. I’m a big re-watch and second-chance guy…

OK…

I start the movie and the first 20 minutes are as entertaining as an average MCU movie. Funny quips, good graphics, I’m starting to think maybe I was wrong about the film. The plot starts to develop and I bore a bit, but nothing crazy. Then it happened. I remembered why this movie sucked.

Hancock has lost his powers. He’s on the brink of death. Desperately trying to figure out what his next move should be. It is at this moment I realized that I DO NOT CARE WHAT HAPPENS TO ANYBODY IN THIS MOVIE. Hancock, Theron, Jason Bateman’s weird little kid… They could all die, the bad guy could win, and I wouldn’t care.

Will Smith watching Hancock.

If there is something at the end I’m missing, let me know. During what I assume was the final fight, I took the dog on a walk and ended up playing hearts on my phone for 20 minutes. The credits were rolling when I came back inside.

Is this the number one thing that ruins main stream movies? Having characters that have zero charm and/or aren’t developed? Think of a movie full of Rickon Starks, Bella Swans, or Pistacio Disguiseys…ugh.

Will Smith, no more characters I don’t care about, please.

UPDATE: Will Smith did specifically what I asked him not to do. See – Suicide Squad, After Earth, Collateral Beauty, etc.

The Nite Time is the Right Time

 

In the mid-90’s, around the age of 10, my bedtime was 9:00. The rules were simple:

  1. Be in bed by 9:00.
  2. Turn the TV or Radio off by 10:00.

Most nights I would go to bed, turn on the radio, you know, to make sure Hootie wasn’t playing, then watch whatever concert PBS was showing to try to raise money. I remember lots of musicals (Cats and Les Mis, which is the most boring thing to “watch” on television) and a ridiculous amount of Celtic Dancing. I looked forward to 90 minutes of television each week, not counting Braves games. Tuesdays I got to watch The Simpsons and Martin back to back. Wednesdays it was 30 minutes of the oft forgotten Parker Lewis Can’t Lose. 10 year old me thought the best thing for T.V. shows to do was to just give up. Parker Lewis would eventually lose and we should all stop trying to make sitcoms after that. Let me tell you. What a time to be alive.

Then we got cable.

I thought Nickelodeon might be a trick. “Why would they make a channel for kids? I don’t even have monies. I have to beg for action figures and baseball cards and I was only allowed to get ones from the bargain bin and $1 shelf, respectively. Why would Ted Turner (the man behind every moving picture in 1995 TJ’s head) make an entire channel for me? THIS IS GONNA BE THE GREATEST THING EVER.

Quick backstory of my life here. If you’re the one person reading this who doesn’t know me, I’m huge. A big guy. And I have always been a big guy. I was the tallest in my class pretty much every year until I got to High School. I was also a scaredy cat. I didn’t like (and still don’t) many horror movies. My brothers made me watch the Leprechaun one night as a payment of sorts to get to hang out with them. I watched the movie, walked downstairs where my brothers shared what I thought was what a honeymoon suite would look like, and proceeded to ask them about all the ways I could defend myself when the leprechaun would inevitably attack. I set a trap outside my room at one point. I even tried to force reason into the 70’s sci-fi horror flick Night of the Lepus. This is the movie, in case you missed it somehow, that pits humans against giant, man-eating rabbits. “Mommy, those rabbits aren’t mean, right? They just eat bugs, and since they’re big, they think the people are bugs. They can’t help it. Right, Mommy? RIGHT?!?!!” She agreed. I was the kid who was too big to ride the caterpillar roller coaster but too scared to ride the Cyclone. ANYWAYS – This Nickelodeon channel which I was supposed to love was HORRIBLE.

I hated cartoons. I hated superheroes. I hated shows that taught me how to do math I learned seven years prior. These shows were for babies. I’d literally rather watch Celtic dancing. Aside from reruns of Doug and Ren & Stimpy, I was not down. This was like telling me there’s unlimited Ice Cream in the freezer, but turns out its lemon frozen yogurt. You aren’t lying, but I still hate you.

 

So, one Tuesday, after wrapping up another “greatest hour of moving pictures” ever (I mean really, how did Homer get away with that and can you believe Martin said that…ON THE RADIO?) I wandered to bed, checked to make sure “Only Wanna Be With You” wasn’t on the radio, and flicked on the T.V.

I am immediately bobbing my head. I dance back to my bead and crawl in. This was it. This changed weeknights for the next, oh, year maybe? I found Nick at Nite.

The song I couldn’t get out of my head was the theme song to I Dream of Jeannie. For some reason, this woman, showing her midriff was dancing like she knew 9-year-old boys everywhere were watching. This would end up being one of the two shows on Nick at Nite that I liked the least. If I have to compare it to something it’s probably The Office. You get the main character who loves what they do and go out of their way to try to help everybody, but just can’t get it right. Almost every problem that arose in IDoJ was due to the title Genie’s (get her name now?) love for her astronaut husband. Much like Michael Scott’s love for his Dunder-Mifflin crew. Tuesday’s gave me back to back episodes of this show and I was hooked. It COULD NOT get better than this.

WEDNESDAY – The Munsters. OMG. WHAT SOCIAL COMMENTARY! The monsters who lived in the LA suburbs were normal. That’s the show. It’s King of Queens if Kevin James had bolts in his neck and Jerry Stiller wore a cape and fangs. I loved every minute of it.

THURSDAY – Bewitched. My first celebrity crush was born. Elizabeth Montgomery was my everything for a few weeks. A modernish day comparison would be Everybody Loves Raymond. Ray and Susannah both live lives at home with their significant others and parent(s) don’t approve. There are also kids that don’t matter.

I was totally okay with her being a witch.

FRIDAY – No bedtime. Didn’t Matter. Newhart. I HAD TO SEE WHAT ELSE THEY HAD TO OFFER. One show gave me a half-naked lady dancing, one gave me a blue collar Frankenstein struggling to make ends meet, and one gave me my one true love. Friday ended up giving me the show that shaped my comedy tendencies forever. Newhart starred Bob Newhart as a Psychologist/Hotel Owner in Vermont. The show was a constant display of dry humor and wit delivered between the title character, his supportive but hilarious wife, and the hotel staff. I started watching and loving the sitcom Wings soon after which is essentially the same show. Also one of the greatest series finales in the history of T.V.

 

THE LONGEST WEEKEND OF MY LIFE

Which one of these is not like the other?

MONDAY – Lucy. Ricky. Little Ricky. Fred. Ethel. I would watch I Love Lucy forever if I could. It never got old. I’m not sure how. If any show used a recycled plot, it was I Love Lucy.

1. Lucy tries to get into a movie/T.V. show/stage production.

2.She ruins something during her attempt.

3. Ricky and/or Fred yell at Lucy and/or Ethel.

4. Ricky (not Fred, he’s a dick) tells Lucy it’s cool.

5. ANNNNNND scene.

And it worked. Every single time. I laughed till I cried. I even got my TV time extended on Monday’s to 11:00 because after back to back episodes of I Love Lucy I got the spinoff “The Luci/Desi Comedy Hour” from 10:00 to 11:00. IT’S A SEQUAL. They all move to the suburbs. Ricky and Fred seem tired and don’t appear that much, so, it’s just Lucy and Ethel messing up auditions and jobs and such…which is great.

A year or so later Nick at Nite started airing The Lucy Show and to say I was disappointed would be, well, accurate. Desi was the glue and Lucy was the paper. Who knew?

To make everybody feel as old as me the current Nick and Nite Lineup consists of Full House, The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, Friends, and The George Lopez Show. All shows that were either airing new episodes in 1995, or failed to create characters anybody cared about.

Nick at Nite was responsible for my introduction to many classic sitcoms. The Dick Van Dyke Show, WKRP in Cincinnati, Rhoda, Welcome Back Kotter, and Laverne & Shirley to name a few, but it never matched that original lineup. I wrote a song about it to play for my piano teacher at the time.

On Mondays I get Lucille Ball
I get excited when Ethel calls

And on Tuesdays, Jeannie blinks
Will Tony survive the hijinks?

Wednesday Monsters come to life
The funniest Grandpa that’s alive

Thursday I become Bewitched (I vividly remember looking at Mr. Milton so I could see his eyes when I delivered this line, which was way ahead of its time)
Move your nose like there’s an itch (rhyming is hard when you’re 10)

Finish up with Newhart’s Inn
On Monday we’ll do it again.

He was not impressed.

Moolah for La La

I am a sucker for musicals. I’m also a sucker for beautiful people in sundresses. Needless to say, I was a tad excited to see Damien Chazelle’s La La Land. The frontrunner for Best Picture delivered the goods. With a cast that looks like old Hollywood (Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone) it really couldn’t miss. The budget for the film was around $30 million dollars (and most of that seems to have been used for the first 10 minutes of the film). I started wondering how a movie like this gets made. Who gave this super talented director and writer $30 million to make an original musical? Chazelle’s first major studio film (Whiplash, 2014) was produced for $3.3 million and made $49 million. A lot of that is due to its Oscar run. Whiplash was a great movie in a great field (Birdman, Boyhood, Grand Budapest Hotel, and Selma, to name a few). La La Land is killing it at the box office (already at $130 million) so I thought I’d look back at similar first-time writer/directors who got their early work noticed by the Academy and how their follow-up films did critically, but mostly financially.

Benh Zeiten – This will be the shortest entry. Benh hasn’t had a release since his 2012 release Beasts of the Southern Wild. We could blame him for Annie but that doesn’t seem fair.

John Singleton – The youngest director ever nominated burst on the scene with Boyz in the Hood. While the film didn’t get nominated for the biggest award of the evening, Singleton was nominated for both his writing and directing at the age of 24. Boyz had a set budget of $6.5 million and raked in $57.5 million the domestic box office. Pretty good first try, right? Well, that was followed up with Poetic Justice ($14 mil, made $28 mil) the forgotten, but not bad, Higher Learning (made $38 mil) and finally found success with Shaft. He made a boat load of money with his next film, 2 Fast 2 Furious, and was last seen directing Taylor “jortsin’ werewolf” Lautner do parkour or something.

Jim Sheridan – Made his writing and directing debut with 1989’s critically acclaimed My Left Foot. The movie that launched the awards career of everyone’s favorite method actor, Daniel Day-Lewis. My Left Foot was the little indie movie that could, even in the 80’s. It was made for around 600,000 pounds and pulled in 14.7 million at the box office. So, what does Jim Sheridan do after making a financially successful, critic-loved film? He makes some movie called The Field. I will not lie. I have never seen The Field. Most of the over 7 billion people on the planet have not seen The Field. I figured I’d read the plot to see what we were all missing. I’ll give you a teaser of the plot and then you decide if you’d like to find a VHS copy. Here’s the first sentence: “Bull McCabe, an Irish farmer, dumps a dead donkey in a lake.” Nothing has made me want to watch anything more. The Field was budgeted at $5 million and made $1.4 million.

James L. Brooks – It’s not like Brooks was a complete unknown by the time he wrote and directed Terms of Endearment. The movie did well in awards season and made $108 million on a budget of only $8 million. He followed that up with the fairly big budgeted (for the time) Broadcast News which also got a Best Picture nomination and still made $67 million on $15 million. Brooks took a decade off from the writing/directing combo but came back on the scene in a big way with 1997’s As Good As It Gets which kept the perfect game streak alive with the film getting nominated for yet another Best Picture Oscar and sweeping the lead acting Oscars. Something that hadn’t been done since Silence of the Lambs. James L. Brooks didn’t do so hot with his next release. The movie, one I particularly enjoyed mind you, was Spanglish (Adam Sandler, Paz Vega). The film lost about $30 million. That’s not nearly as bad as his last effort. The immediately forgotten How Do You Know (Owen Wilson, Reese Witherspoon) reunites Brooks with Jack Nicholson but cost a staggering $128 million dollars to make. Its revenue was only $48 million. I’ll let you do the math. I’m not sure where that money went. Owen Wilson plays a Major League pitcher in the film, so maybe that’s where.

The last two directors aren’t even in the same discussion as the rest of the group. Warren Beatty wrote and directed Heaven Can Wait ($15 mil, made $80) and followed it up with the acclaimed, but financially underwhelmed Reds. He later wrote and directed Bullworth (lost money) and Rules Don’t Apply (lost money) in which he plays the super talented, super crazy Howard Hughes. Super talented and super crazy brings us to our last and earliest name.

Orson Welles – This is almost worse than Beatty. Orson Welles came to Hollywood after years in theater and radio and got a contract that nobody else could get. RKO had to have him and they would give him anything. The rest of Hollywood wasn’t a fan and Wells never came close to catching the magic he had in Citizen Kane.

Considering only people who have written and directed their first two films, I’m not sure that anybody will be as good as Damien Chazelle. If you haven’t seen La La Land or Whiplash (ESPECIALLY Whiplash) do yourself a favor and see them pronto. And if you’re sleepy, or hate donkeys, watch The Field.